Thursday, September 22, 2011
Me: Baby Julian is almost here. Are you ready to be a big sister and help mama with Julian?
AJ: Baby Julian in you belly. I got food in my belly, Nanny has two babies in her belly and you got Julie in you belly.
Me: That's right. Mama has baby Julian in her belly, but he's going to come out soon. And we are going to love him and play with him. You are going to teach him how lucky he is to have such great parents.
AJ: Mama, how baby Julie gonna come out you belly?
Me: Uuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm. He's. Just. Gonna. Come. Out.
AJ: Yep, he just gonna come out. (Long pause) I want juice.
Me: Awesome, let's get juice.
So not ready for that conversation. I figure we can revisit the subject again in about 30 years. You know, she is ready for her first boyfriend.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
-Words with Friends. It gives me something to do while sitting at the doctor's office waiting out the hour long "do you have diabetes while you're pregnant" test. Now I'm just hoping I don't fail again, cause the three hour test is a bitch.
-Calendars and day planners. If you know me, you know that these help make me slightly less forgetful than normal.
-Frozen grapes! It's like a little Popsicle in your mouth. Try it, you'll thank me later.
-The little fan behind my desk that was graciously loaned out to me by a co-worker. Big Mama is melting in this heat and that little fan keeps me from sweating all day.
-The little old lady who has kept the kid since we moved home. Miss Adelaide starts big girl school in less than two weeks and I'm going to miss the way she smells when I pick her up in the afternoon. It's a mix between rice and gravy and rose perfume.
-The Vampire Diaries. Don't judge me. The guys are hot and it's fun to escape for an hour at a time. Seriously, they are really really hot. No, really, molten lava hot.
-Uncle Bill. He gives my husband work on his days off.
-Pop-up Post-It note dispenses.
That's all people. Hope you are all having a great week!
Monday, August 1, 2011
At some point in the last few months, my husband stumbled across a documentary about the dangers of sunscreen. Apparently, it's killing coral reefs, increasing cancer rates and shrinking men's penises all over the world. I googled it and just in case you're interested here is the page that tells you just how horrible sunscreen is. Apparently, it also has a "gender bending" effect. (Well, the same could be said about Liza but she isn't banned from our house. Yet.)
The hubs is of the "olive toned" humans while I am of the "burn like a shrimp on a grill toned" humans. For example, before we got married we went on a cruise with 22 other couples. I applied SPF 70 (it was the highest at the time) four times a day AND wore an obnoxiously large hat and still got a sunburn so severe that my skin whelped up and formed large nasty blisters. I spent the second half of the cruise stuck under deck bitching about the lack of towel animals we received in our room.
Luckily, our daughter has taken his skin tone, along with all his other physical traits (seriously, sometimes I wonder who her mother is) and she has had very little issues with sunlight exposure. Never the less, I still slather her up with SPF 50 each time we take her swimming. My darling husband feels this is unnecessary.
Hubs: Hey babe. You girls went swimming today?
Me: Yep. We had lots of fun frolicking in the water. I used SPF 100, reapplied twice and still got sunburned. I only put SPF 50 on the kid this morning before we left and she got a shade or two darker? It's so not fair that she has better skin than me. I guess I'm glad she doesn't have my...
Hubs: WHAT?! YOU COATED MY CHILD WITH THAT POISONOUS SLIME? DIDN'T I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT SHOW I WATCHED?!
*** did I mention we have a pension for over-reaction at my house***
Me: Good lard! I'm not going to leave her with no sun protection just because you watched some ridiculous show about the awfulness that is sunscreen.
Hubs: AND YOU PUT ON SPF 100?!?! That probably soaked into your skin and is shrinking our unborn son's penis RIGHT NOW!
Me: Well, the last thing this world needs is more giant penises!
Since my husband is not a scientist, I will continue to slather my child and self with the highest level sun protection available on the market. Maybe it is dangerous (if you drink it in large volumes), but as long as the real scientist tell me to use it, I'm going to use it. And if by some chance my testicles shrink, then so be it.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Today I am thankful for many things. I have to be to keep from focusing on the throbbing pain in my right breast from having been stung SEVEN times last night by a wasp. Good for nothing insects.
-For Bonkie, who is getting a chance to be an annoying woman who thinks of nothing but babies and motherhood. I still expect you to come pole-dancing with me after these babies are born.
-For Amanda, Kristen and Roy- who watch Swamp People and make me laugh.
-For my in-laws, who finally came home from California. I no longer have to tell the kid she is too young to go to "Caliporniya".
-For watermelon. I swear I've eaten 20 pounds in the last two weeks, but it has to be better than 20 pounds of cake so I'll keep eating.
-For curling irons, because my hair is not so cooperative without one.
-For Everything Bagels with WW Cream Cheese and a tall glass of milk. It's the only thing in the morning that doesn't make me what to vomit.
-For beaches. Even though I can't seem to make it to one this year, I know they are out there. Someday I hope to be sitting on a beach with a cold drink and a trashy book.
For return policies. Bought the kid a pair of size 6 shoes for school only to get home and realize she's in a size 7.
Peace, Love and Curling Irons.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Now, I have been told in the past that we need to work on separating her from Sally, but I have had no desire to do so. Miss Adelaide loves Sally. Sally comforts her. Also, I know that one day she will grow up and no longer cling to Sally the way she does now. Me, however, she will always need and adore. I figure she'll only be two for so long, so why rush it. Sally has been known to cure hurt fingers, mend broken hearts, fix sad faces and lull Miss Adelaide to sleep within minutes. Note the sleepiness:
Why am I going on about a pink stuffed hippo like some animal obsessed freak? Because the kid will be starting "school" in three weeks time and I was notified on Friday that Sally will not be allowed to attend. Apparently the state feels that small stuffed items carry lice and germs, so the child care facility has banned all such items. "But surely she can have her during nap time?" Negative. No Sally. No way. No how.
Being the pregnant, overly-emotional mother I've turned into, I cried. And it's not because I'm upset about having to take Sally away, and it's not because I think she will have a total hissy fit when it comes to nap time (okay- so I kinda think she will, but at least I won't have to be there to see it). I'm sad because I'm not ready for her to be old enough to not need Sally anymore. I knew there would come a time when she wouldn't need Sally (like when she gets married), I just didn't think it would happen so soon.
So parental units (or whoever else is listening to my obscure ramblings), any suggestions? We never had a pacifier issue, so I've never had to work to take anything away from a child before. I'm sure there are a few hard-core parents who are thinking, "Just take the damned thing from her and don't look back." You're suggestion is dually noted. Thanks so much for that helpful insight.
Any other suggestions?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
That prompted this conversation:
Kid (packs a bag of crackers and Barbies, puts her baby in the stroller): Bye mama. See you later.
Me: Bye Addie Jo. Where you going?
Kid: To Calipornya.
Me: You can't go to California. You are too little. It's time for bed, come over here and pick up your toys.
Kid: Ummmmm, I too little to pick toys.
Awesome. So now our days go like this:
Me: Let's go potty.
Kid: I too little to potty.
Me: Can you come help Mama with the clothes? (which she does, in fact, love to do.)
Kid: I too little to help clothes.
Me: Time to brush you teeth and get your jammies.
Kid: I too little to bru teet and jammies.
We may have created a monster. A very litte monster.