North 40 Renegade

My one monthaversary and my blessed crumb snatchers

2012-02-03T12:15:00.003-06:00

So, it's been almost a month since my second wedding and things couldn't be better. We are crazy in love (mostly because we are both a little crazy) and still in the honeymoon phase of life. You seem confused. Let me explain. While this was my second wedding, it's still part of my first marriage. Two weddings, one marriage. Still confused?

Basically, we were married for the first time five years ago at a charming little bed and breakfast. We were married by the Justice of the Peace, who I'm pretty sure is a cast member on Swamp People now. Five years and two children later, it started to feel like something was missing. We were not married in the church, because back then it wasn't important to us. Over the years, it has become important. We decided to baptize our children and bless our marriage. I arrived at the church expecting the priest to say, "Join your hands. *insert short marriage prayer here*. Welcome to Jesus' house!" That is not what happened.

It was a complete marriage ceremony. Starting with "Dearly Beloved..." and everything. Standing on the alter with my already husband, my very pregnant sister, and my full-bearded brother-in-law, I began to laugh. This seemed utterly absurd to me. I was wearing a purple dress from Burlington Coat Factory and the guys had on blue jeans. I laughed because I was already married. It was ludicrous to believe that we would stand up in front of a handful of friends and family and this would be just as important as the wedding we had five years ago. And you know what, it wasn't. It was more.

When my husband began reciting his vows, with the "better or worse, richer or poorer", I suddenly became overwhelmed. Because, this was a man who had now seen me at my worse. This was a man who had stood at the kitchen counter with me, staring at an empty bank account and realized that we were poor. At our first wedding, we had no idea what was waiting for us. We had never lived together and we were in the processing of moving 200 miles away from everyone we had ever known. This time around, he knew what all these words would mean. He knew all about the late nights with sick babies and the early mornings with crappy jobs. He was fully aware of what our life would be, and before God and my grandmother, he firmly vowed to be mine, all over again. When it was my turn for vows, I went from laughing to almost crying. It was terribly unexpected and completely wonderful. There we were five years later, still agreeing to be part of each others lives. One kid pulling at my dress and one kid crying in the pew. We are a family..... I got all my sister with me! (Sorry, I couldn't help it. )

After we got re-married, we proceeded to bless our cranky children in one of the worlds most unorganized baptisms. Trying to bless two children who want nothing more than to go home is nearly impossible. One child crying and one trying to run away. We finally made it through and headed home with our new Christians in the backseat. Adelaide promptly changed into her Tinker Bell dress and we undressed Julien and put away his gown. It was the same gown that I was baptized in 27 years ago.

Our life is back to the same routine now. Messy house, crazy kids and fights over socks being left in the couch cushions. I never thought I would get married twice, but I did. And both times, the groom was smokin' hot. Lucky me!

Wanting a star and being a dork.

2012-01-18T08:46:00.003-06:00

Hello humans. It's been a while. In short, I've had a baby (he's awesome BTW) and survived an epic day of paintball. Other than that, things are pretty much the same. Now that we are all caught up....

I'm a Weight Watcher. I am not ashamed of this. It is a fantastic program and it helped me lose a great deal of weight after my daughter was born. Now that Big Jules is here, I'm back on the plan and looking to get healthy for good. As a motivator, I've signed up to walk in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Houston, TX in April. More on that in an other post.

Last night was my WW (that stands for Weight Watchers, keep up people) meeting. My weigh in went something like this:

Friendly Staff Member: Okay, I've got your weight. Are you staying for the meeting?

Me: (assuming she wanted me to stay for the meeting because I had skipped last week and gained some weight) Yes, I'm staying.

FSM: Great! Would you like your rewards now or in the meeting?

Me: I get rewards? Hell yeah I want them! And I want them in front of EVERYONE!

I sat through my meeting super excited. I peeked at my weight record after weigh-in and realized that I had hit the 10lbs down milestone! At the end of the meeting, my leader started handing out rewards and I was ready. She got to me and handed me a 5lbs star and everyone clapped it out for me. Apparently, you get a 5lbs star each time you lose 5 lbs. There is no 10lbs star.

This was not acceptable. At the end of the meeting, I went to the front of the room and had a talk with my leader. It went something like this:

Me: I'm sorry, but is there a 10lbs star?

L: No, you get a 5lbs star each time you lose 5lbs, until you hit 20lbs down.

Me: That's cool, but here's the thing. I wasn't here last week, so I kinda got shorted a star because I hit both milestones since the last time I was here.

L: So you didn't get your first star? Would you like one?

Me: Well, if you're offering... HELLS YEAH I WANT MY STAR!

She laughed and gave me another star. Because really, I'm working my butt off (seriously, this big ass HAS to go) to lose this weight and I feel like I've earned those freaking stars!

I texted my husband and my WW buddies to tell them the good news and I headed off to Rousse's to stock up on more fruits and veggies. I felt so good walking through the produce department. I made witty conversation with ladies near the apples. I smiled at the cute boy in the melon section. I felt like, even though these people had never met me before, they could see that I was 10lbs thinner and they were so proud of me! I even ran into a couple WW ladies from my meeting. We talked about fruits and new ways to prepare Kale (bake it like a chip, BEYOND DELICIOUS).

The girl inside of me is funny and smart and outgoing and for a long time I feel like the heavy girl I've become has suffocated her a little. With every pound lost, I feel more and more like the person I want to be. Because that person is pretty awesome. Just ask my husband!

Walking back to my car, I was giddy. I had my new fruit and my smaller figure. I jumped in my car, ready to head home. As I was putting on my seat belt, I noticed a giant white sticker on my left boob. It was my name tag from my meeting. My gigantic Weight Watchers name tag. I'll say it again, I'm not ashamed of the fact that I go to Weight Watchers. However, nothing makes you feel more like a dork than realizing that the cute boy in the melon section was probably smiling at me because he was amused by my name tag.

Oh well, I had two even cuter boys waiting for me at home.

Not ready for that one.

2011-09-22T14:04:00.002-05:00

Conversation with the kid last night:

Me: Baby Julian is almost here. Are you ready to be a big sister and help mama with Julian?

AJ: Baby Julian in you belly. I got food in my belly, Nanny has two babies in her belly and you got Julie in you belly.

Me: That's right. Mama has baby Julian in her belly, but he's going to come out soon. And we are going to love him and play with him. You are going to teach him how lucky he is to have such great parents.

AJ: Mama, how baby Julie gonna come out you belly?

Me: Uuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm. He's. Just. Gonna. Come. Out.

AJ: Yep, he just gonna come out. (Long pause) I want juice.

Me: Awesome, let's get juice.

So not ready for that conversation. I figure we can revisit the subject again in about 30 years. You know, she is ready for her first boyfriend.

I'm the best mom ever, or I have scarred my child for life...

2011-08-16T10:51:00.008-05:00

Today was the first day of "big girl" school for the kid. As previously noted, Sally can't go to school. For a while it seemed like this would be the end of the world, especially when two Sally's became a night-time thing at our house. Being the laid back mother I am, I chose to simply ignore the issue and let it play out on it's own. (I know, I should totally write a parenting book!) We never told the kid that Sally couldn't go to school, we simply told her that school was so awesome that unicorns would rain from the sky and she would get to play all day long. In my head, I've been trying to find a way to cheat the system... I mean... make the transition easier for the kid and I came up with a brilliant idea.

I dismembered Sally.

Calm your freaking horses people. I didn't do it in front of the kid and this is Sally #5, so we've still got Sally's to spare. I came up with the idea of a "Sally Blanket" that she could bring to school. The rules, as I choose to understand them, are that they cannot have any stuffed animals that go back and forth on a daily basis due to germs and lice being carted around by such play things. I figured a small blanket with a little hippo patch does not fall into that category.

I give you, Sally Blanket!

Sally Blanket has all the hippo-ness of Sally Doll but without the stuffing, or the body, or the limbs, or the music box. Basically, it's just a flat Sally head sewn onto a beach towel. The kicker is the neck tie. Miss Adelaide wraps her little fingers around Sally's neck tie as she is falling asleep. It is my hope that this decapitated, flattened Sally will be comfort enough for her during nap time. Either that, or she'll flip her freaking lid and be forever traumatized by the floating hippo head that haunts her nap time. It dawned on me last night that perhaps I didn't think this through.

Nevertheless, she awoke this morning uber excited about going to school! She pretended like she wanted to stay in bed all day with her Pappa, but I know deep down inside she was overcome with the joy of play-school. Can't you tell?

I would like to note that she was showing off her "Stally Blanket" this morning. She had some minor issues getting dressed. I gave her the purple shoes, she wanted the pink shoes, and so on and so forth. Eventually, I got her dressed and in the car with all her school paraphernalia. Half way to school this happened:

AJ: Where my Tally Mama?

Me: She's at home baby. Sally can't go to school.

AJ: Her can't go school?

Me: Nope. Only big girls like Addie Jo and big boys like Adler get to go to school.

AJ: Yep, I go to school.

And that was it. I was clearly more worried about this whole "no Sally" policy than she seems to be. We got to school and grab her bag (which contained the awesomely awesome Sally Blanket) and she grabbed my hand as we walked inside the building. You should know that my daughter hates to hold my hand ANY where we go, so I began to get nervous.

We walked in and she saw all the elementary kids getting ready to walk to the BIG big kid school and she had a minor freak out. "Pick me up! Pick me up!" When we got into her classroom there were a few other children playing and this terrified the living out of her for a moment. Because what's scarier than toddlers playing with building blocks? She dug her head into my shoulders as I walked around doing the look-how-awesome-this-is-and-don't-you-want-to-play-with-it game. We stashed her items in her cubby and she was still clinging to me. After a couple more minutes she picked up her head and actually looked around.

AJ: (in a very low voice) I see dinosaurs.

Me: Yeah, they have LOTS of dinosaurs! (I was unaware that dinosaurs would be the thing to perk her up.)

AJ: MAMA! HER HAS BABIES!!!!

ME: Heck yeah she has babies! Which are basically the coolest little toys since sliced bread!

AJ: I get down. I go play!

That was it. No fussing. No crying. A few minutes of hesitation and then she was off. I told her I was leaving and she gave me a hug and kiss and went back to her playing. Neither one of us cried.

However, that was hours before nap time so I'm not sure how the Sally Blanket went over when put to the test. Last I heard she was playing outside and loving life. Which makes me miss my tiny baby just a little. Which makes me want to eat strawberries and ice cream a whole lot.

UPDATE: Aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddd, because I'm a mom, I called to check on her and she had a GREAT day. Although, her teacher did note that she spent most of nap time rubbing the patch on her blanket.

Guess I'm kind of a genius after all.

Wordless Wednesday- A step in wrong direction

2011-08-10T09:42:00.002-05:00

Sally- we have a problem.

It's Thursday. Be thankful humans!

2011-08-04T08:11:00.002-05:00

Time for our weekly round-up of Thankfulness! This week I am extremely grateful for the following:

-Words with Friends. It gives me something to do while sitting at the doctor's office waiting out the hour long "do you have diabetes while you're pregnant" test. Now I'm just hoping I don't fail again, cause the three hour test is a bitch.

-Calendars and day planners. If you know me, you know that these help make me slightly less forgetful than normal.

-Frozen grapes! It's like a little Popsicle in your mouth. Try it, you'll thank me later.

-The little fan behind my desk that was graciously loaned out to me by a co-worker. Big Mama is melting in this heat and that little fan keeps me from sweating all day.

-The little old lady who has kept the kid since we moved home. Miss Adelaide starts big girl school in less than two weeks and I'm going to miss the way she smells when I pick her up in the afternoon. It's a mix between rice and gravy and rose perfume.

-The Vampire Diaries. Don't judge me. The guys are hot and it's fun to escape for an hour at a time. Seriously, they are really really hot. No, really, molten lava hot.

-Uncle Bill. He gives my husband work on his days off.

-Pop-up Post-It note dispenses.

That's all people. Hope you are all having a great week!

Beware of the sun...screen

2011-08-01T14:56:00.004-05:00

At some point in the last few months, my husband stumbled across a documentary about the dangers of sunscreen. Apparently, it's killing coral reefs, increasing cancer rates and shrinking men's penises all over the world. I googled it and just in case you're interested here is the page that tells you just how horrible sunscreen is. Apparently, it also has a "gender bending" effect. (Well, the same could be said about Liza but she isn't banned from our house. Yet.)

The hubs is of the "olive toned" humans while I am of the "burn like a shrimp on a grill toned" humans. For example, before we got married we went on a cruise with 22 other couples. I applied SPF 70 (it was the highest at the time) four times a day AND wore an obnoxiously large hat and still got a sunburn so severe that my skin whelped up and formed large nasty blisters. I spent the second half of the cruise stuck under deck bitching about the lack of towel animals we received in our room.

Luckily, our daughter has taken his skin tone, along with all his other physical traits (seriously, sometimes I wonder who her mother is) and she has had very little issues with sunlight exposure. Never the less, I still slather her up with SPF 50 each time we take her swimming. My darling husband feels this is unnecessary.

Hubs: Hey babe. You girls went swimming today?

Me: Yep. We had lots of fun frolicking in the water. I used SPF 100, reapplied twice and still got sunburned. I only put SPF 50 on the kid this morning before we left and she got a shade or two darker? It's so not fair that she has better skin than me. I guess I'm glad she doesn't have my...

Hubs: WHAT?! YOU COATED MY CHILD WITH THAT POISONOUS SLIME? DIDN'T I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT SHOW I WATCHED?!

*** did I mention we have a pension for over-reaction at my house***

Me: Good lard! I'm not going to leave her with no sun protection just because you watched some ridiculous show about the awfulness that is sunscreen.

Hubs: AND YOU PUT ON SPF 100?!?! That probably soaked into your skin and is shrinking our unborn son's penis RIGHT NOW!

Me: Well, the last thing this world needs is more giant penises!

Since my husband is not a scientist, I will continue to slather my child and self with the highest level sun protection available on the market. Maybe it is dangerous (if you drink it in large volumes), but as long as the real scientist tell me to use it, I'm going to use it. And if by some chance my testicles shrink, then so be it.

Jesus H- it's not a bloody steak.

2011-08-01T11:54:00.007-05:00

Saturday morning the kid, the hubs and I all slept late. We ended up skipping breakfast and meeting my family for lunch at the local diner. The kid ate some fruit and a few french fries, but nothing that could be called a meal by anyone's standards.

When we got home after lunch, she said, "I wanna eat, Mama." After staring into the pantry and refrigerator for almost 15 minutes, she announced her desire for a peanut butter sandwich.

Since my child eats only fruit snacks and rice and gravy, I was a little more than shocked.

Me: Addie Jo- are you SURE you want a peanut butter sandwich?

A: I wann pea-butta!

Me: If I fix you a peanut butter sandwich, you WILL eat it. Do you understand?

A: Yes, ma'am. I EAT PEA-BUTTAAA! Please!

And so, I fixed her a one slice-folded over peanut butter sandwich. She licked it and decided it was not the sandwich she wanted.

The rest of our day went something like this:

A: I want snack, Mama.

Me: You have a peanut butter sandwich to eat.

A: I want chips, Mama.

Me: I fixed you a peanut butter sandwich , Adelaide.

A: I don't like pea-butter.

Me: Well, that's what you asked for AND THAT'S ALL YOU CAN HAVE!

At this point she took a bite of the sandwich and the look on her face told me that she was utterly offended by both the taste and texture of this vile sandwich I was forcing her to eat. In her defense, the bread was getting hard around the edges from sitting on the counter all day. In my defense, SHE ASKED FOR A DAMNED PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!

At some point, the movie "Mommy Dearest" started playing in my head. For those of you who weren't required to watch this movie in high school (I can't remember, but it was either shown in Home Ecc as a "How not to raise children" video or in Drama Class as a "How to over-react to wire hangers" video), the rest of this post may not make sense to you.

There is a scene where Joan Crawford serves her children not-quite-yet-dead steaks for lunch.

Joan: Eat your steak!

Christina: It's raw.

Joan: It's not raw, it's rare.

The things are bleeding all over the table and her daughter refuses to eat it. Later that night, the steak is again offered to the child, who still refuses to eat it and so on and so forth. In this case, I can understand a child not wanting to eat a half-dead animal that she didn't ask for. However, a peanut butter sandwich is perfectly cooked, and quite freaking delicious if you ask me.

And so, the battle of the peanut butter sandwich wore on. She asked for food and I keep offering her the sandwich. And I would have kept offering her the sandwich, except when her father got home he walked in, saw the sandwich and ate it himself. Clearly, he was not aware of the lesson I was attempting to set forth.

When I die, I might leave them both out of my will. For reasons that will be clear to them.

(Again, if you didn't see Mommy Dearest, that last line isn't nearly as funny.)

Also, if she keeps giving me these eyes, we may have a "no wire hangers" situation erupt at our house soon. ***Note the use of Sally to push away the plate with the offensive sandwich on it. ***

Thankful Thursday People

2011-07-28T09:07:00.002-05:00

The history of thankful Thursdays is long and awesome. It started with about five women having shitty days and deciding it was time to force ourselves to be thankful about something, ANYTHING. It has grown over the years and our email chain contains anywhere from 20-30 women, depending on who is participating. I shall share my thankfulness with you now.

Today I am thankful for many things. I have to be to keep from focusing on the throbbing pain in my right breast from having been stung SEVEN times last night by a wasp. Good for nothing insects.

-For Bonkie, who is getting a chance to be an annoying woman who thinks of nothing but babies and motherhood. I still expect you to come pole-dancing with me after these babies are born.
-For Amanda, Kristen and Roy- who watch Swamp People and make me laugh.
-For my in-laws, who finally came home from California. I no longer have to tell the kid she is too young to go to "Caliporniya".
-For watermelon. I swear I've eaten 20 pounds in the last two weeks, but it has to be better than 20 pounds of cake so I'll keep eating.
-For curling irons, because my hair is not so cooperative without one.
-For Everything Bagels with WW Cream Cheese and a tall glass of milk. It's the only thing in the morning that doesn't make me what to vomit.
-For beaches. Even though I can't seem to make it to one this year, I know they are out there. Someday I hope to be sitting on a beach with a cold drink and a trashy book.
For return policies. Bought the kid a pair of size 6 shoes for school only to get home and realize she's in a size 7.

Peace, Love and Curling Irons.

Losing Sally

2011-07-25T13:55:00.010-05:00

This is Sally.

Sally joined our family on May 29, 2009. For those of you in the know, this is also Miss Adelaide's birthday. When the doctor said, "It's a girl.", (I'm not using an exclamation point, because she didn't use one. My doctor was a bitch, but that's another story.) my sister ran out and bought a host of lovely pink things to welcome her god-daughter. Among the lovely outfits and pink hats, was Sally. She plays "Braham's Lullaby" and has been adored by the kid since day one.

Now, I have been told in the past that we need to work on separating her from Sally, but I have had no desire to do so. Miss Adelaide loves Sally. Sally comforts her. Also, I know that one day she will grow up and no longer cling to Sally the way she does now. Me, however, she will always need and adore. I figure she'll only be two for so long, so why rush it. Sally has been known to cure hurt fingers, mend broken hearts, fix sad faces and lull Miss Adelaide to sleep within minutes. Note the sleepiness:

Why am I going on about a pink stuffed hippo like some animal obsessed freak? Because the kid will be starting "school" in three weeks time and I was notified on Friday that Sally will not be allowed to attend. Apparently the state feels that small stuffed items carry lice and germs, so the child care facility has banned all such items. "But surely she can have her during nap time?" Negative. No Sally. No way. No how.

Being the pregnant, overly-emotional mother I've turned into, I cried. And it's not because I'm upset about having to take Sally away, and it's not because I think she will have a total hissy fit when it comes to nap time (okay- so I kinda think she will, but at least I won't have to be there to see it). I'm sad because I'm not ready for her to be old enough to not need Sally anymore. I knew there would come a time when she wouldn't need Sally (like when she gets married), I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

So parental units (or whoever else is listening to my obscure ramblings), any suggestions? We never had a pacifier issue, so I've never had to work to take anything away from a child before. I'm sure there are a few hard-core parents who are thinking, "Just take the damned thing from her and don't look back." You're suggestion is dually noted. Thanks so much for that helpful insight.

Any other suggestions?

The kid is getting too smart.

2011-07-19T10:49:00.002-05:00

The kid has been asking to go to California. Her Nana and Poppy are in California and she doesn't seem to understand the distance between Louisiana and California. We've been telling her she can't go because she is too little.

That prompted this conversation:

Kid (packs a bag of crackers and Barbies, puts her baby in the stroller): Bye mama. See you later.
Me: Bye Addie Jo. Where you going?
Kid: To Calipornya.
Me: You can't go to California. You are too little. It's time for bed, come over here and pick up your toys.
Kid: Ummmmm, I too little to pick toys.

Awesome. So now our days go like this:

Me: Let's go potty.
Kid: I too little to potty.

Me: Can you come help Mama with the clothes? (which she does, in fact, love to do.)
Kid: I too little to help clothes.

Me: Time to brush you teeth and get your jammies.
Kid: I too little to bru teet and jammies.

We may have created a monster. A very litte monster.

Cucumbers and Wednesdays

2011-01-26T12:34:00.002-06:00

Today is Wednesday and I found myself craving a cucumber. Since I have recently re-joined Weight Watchers, I knew I had some in the office fridge. I grabbed all the proper cucumber cutting tools and mindlessly began making myself a snack. Then it happened.

There I stood, in the kitchen at work, cutting a cucumber and holding back tears. Because today is Wednesday and no one could grow a cucumber like my grandfather.

Every Wednesday, for many years, my family picks up the grand kids and goes visit at my grandparents house. It's a day to laugh and visit and love. But it's not the same anymore. When my grandfather passed away everything changed. While others rejoiced over the mid-week hump, I often find myself sad driving home and knowing he won't be there.

When someone dies we go through many stages of sadness. There is the initial sadness that haunts you 24 hours a day. The sadness that you can't escape even in sleep. Then there is the day to day sadness. Those moments when you realize that they are really gone and your life is forever changed. After a few months it's the creeping sadness. You feel it on holidays and birthdays, trying to beat it back while you strive to enjoy the day. After a few more months it's the memory sadness. I think this one is the worst. It's driving past the Mowata store and having a craving for boudin and not knowing why that makes you want to cry. It's setting up the chairs at the campground and feeling that your still waiting on the rest of your family to arrive. It's Moe Bandy on the radio and having to pull over on the side of the road because you can't see through the tears. And today, it's cutting a cucumber on a Wednesday and knowing that I'll never have one of his cucumbers again.

My grandfather was amazing. He was funny and caring and he pinched really hard. He had false teeth that he would scare the children with. He was a diabetic and our family would often catch him at the grocery store buying sweets. One day he was caught in the grocery store parking lot eating a small loaf of french bread in his truck. My grandmother watched his food intake, so he would have to eat his goodies in the truck between the store and his house, which was less that one mile. He loved to camp and we loved to camp with him. He is the man I was named after, and I couldn't imagine a better person's name to have.

There is a campground in heaven and he is there. Walking around with his fly-swatter, listening to Moe Bandy, sneaking candy in the camper and giving cucumbers away to all who visit. I know he watches over me and I know that someday we'll sit together and visit again. And I already know just what I'll say when I see him again......

"Heellllllooooo, J.C."

It's Thursday, be thankful dammit.

2010-11-18T08:18:00.000-06:00

Let's get this day started!

1. I am thankful for heating pads and ice packs. Without them, I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed this last week.

2. I am thankful that Jake, Amanda, Kristen and Nick will all be coming home shortly! Yay for cousins coming to town!

3. I am thankful for Fuji Apples. They are the best tasting apples ever and they make a great little snack around 10am.

4. I am thankful for Layla who made a kick-ass chicken salad for dinner and saved me from a dinner of cold cereal.

5. I am thankful for Peggy. She helps so much with Adelaide and I was able to help Layla and Ryan last week while she played with Addie Jo.

6. I am thankful for my mother who invited me to the beach for Thanksgiving. Still trying to figure out my calendar and really hoping we can make it!

7. I am thankful for a great job with an understanding supervisor. They take care of me and allow me to take care of my family.

8. I am thankful for my Pops. He lets me live in his house and is letting me take the time to pay off my bills in order to buy his house later.

9. I am thankful for underwear. I wish more people would wear it (I'm talking to you Wal-Mart skanks who bend over in ya' hoochy suits and flash your cookie to God and the world. You ain't hot and no one wants to see that crap.)

10. I am thankful for blue suede shoes.

Peace out chickens! Have a great day!

Thankful Thursday

2010-09-23T13:01:00.002-05:00

Feel free to take a moment to jot down your thankful-ness today.

I am thankful for my mother who kept the princess this weekend.

I am thankful for Amanda and Kristen who bought a new house and let me come stay in it for a few days.

I am thankful for color pens. They make my notes at work a little more festive.

I am thankful for Val and Jordan and that they are having a birthday party this weekend. Can't wait to see my pals!

I am thankful that I no longer live in Texas. All the events coming up in October would make me very sad if I couldn't be there.

I am thankful that in a few short weeks I'll get to meet my new niece or nephew.

I am thankful for Kristen (again) for knowing the medical anti-dote for anaphalatic shock. She kept me alive after consuming foods that don't like me.

I am thankful for side-walk chalk. The princess still tries to eat it sometimes, but she also scribbles on the concrete and gets really excited when it leaves a big blue mark behind.

I am thankful for my bike and trailer. Haven't been very good the last couple weeks and feeling pretty blah. Can't wait to get back on the bike today and sweat out some gross-ness.

Lastly, I am thankful for Smuckers Uncrustables in Strawberry. They are fun to eat and keep me fuller longer during my day.

Peace Out!

The over use of the exclamation point.

2010-09-07T12:20:00.003-05:00

Okay humans, some of you need a lesson on the proper use of the exclamation point. Please note the following excerpt:

An exclamation mark, exclamation point, or bang (!) is a punctuation mark usually used after an interjection or exclamation to indicate strong feelings or high volume, and often marks the end of a sentence. Example: "Watch out!"

It should go without saying that one (1) exclamation point is enough to convey your sense of excitement (or other strong feelings). However, it has become acceptable to place multiple (and by multiple, I mean over five) exclamation points behind a statement.

This is getting ridiculous!

*** See how I used one and still got my point across.

A sentence written like this means I'm really excited!

This sentence means I got a huge promotion and my boyfriend asked me to marry him!!!

A sentence written like this means I had 16 red bulls for breakfast and a shot of cocaine for lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm on a sugar high!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or, a ninja attacked me in a dark alley and now my broken finger won't get off the keyboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another over-use of the exclamation point:

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U crzy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG ROLFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously? Those aren't real words people.

Some things do require an exclamation point. For those of you who have seen "The Sniffing Account" episode of Seinfeld, you should know that I agree with Elaine. There is certainly a need for this punctuation mark, I just relish the overuse of it.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled Monday.

Almost a year.... wonder if that's a record.

2010-07-06T16:19:00.003-05:00

Hello, Universe!

It's been almost a year since my last post and many things have happened.

I produced a child. She is awesome, she dances and she says "no" to everything.

I moved back to the North 40 and couldn't be happier to say "Suck It" to the great (cough, cough) state of Texas. We sold our house and are officially homeless. Thank you Pop, for letting us live upstairs for minimal rent.

That's all I got for now, let's hope another year doesn't go by before I make my way back to you.

Peace~

Seriously?

2009-09-28T22:56:00.002-05:00

Hello all, its time for another edition of "weird things I see at Kroger's"...

Take a good look at the girl on the right. I imagine this how their conversation went....

Bad friend- Hey, you know what would cool?

Wanna Be Fashionista- What's that?

Bad Friend- If we took your jeans, cut off the legs right under your butt, and then you wore the pant legs as leg warmers... A la Flashdance!

Wanna Be- Awesome! I'll wear the cut offs with the pant legs and go for the whole denim look! Thanks for being a great friend!

Bad Friend (thought to herself)- great, now all the boys will think she's an idiot and wanna hook up with me instead!

Seriously! She walked around the store pulling her makeshift leggings up because they kept sliding down. Maybe she was trying to beat the Texas heat by creating her own ventilation system?!?!

Sorry the picture isn't better. I was trying to be sneaky with my camera phone. I was afraid if she caught me she would think she was on to something and this sad trend would spread!

Condiment Gun?

2009-09-28T22:52:00.002-05:00

Food Fight anyone?

Saturdays Five Things

2009-01-31T12:32:00.000-06:00

Ok- So, I've been on an extended hiatus for quite some time. Long story short- lost a job, found a job, getting ready for baby.

I've been playing the "what are you greatful for" game with my family all week, so I'm coming back with Fridays Five Things... Yes... I know it's Saturday.

1. Maternatity underwear. Don't knock 'em till you try 'em.

2. Ross. Awesome baby clothes at crazy low prices.

3. My husband. He cooks spagetti, lays tile and builds nursery furinture.

4. My mom. If you knew her, you would know why.

5. My sister... See above note about Mom.

That's all for now. I'll make an effort to keep more up to date... No promises!

Snow Day!!!

2008-12-11T10:53:00.000-06:00

Smores...

2008-11-19T13:51:00.002-06:00

Ok... so... I have never had smores. Not that I can remember anyway. It seems like every child should have had smores around the campfire (I've certainly been around a few of those), but I couldn't remember eating them.

Therefore, yesterday I stopped at my neighborhood Kroger's and picked up all the smore essentials (and some pickles... but that's really a pregnant thing and nothing to do with smore making). I waited for the sun to go down and the cold air to come through. Husband made me a handy little marshmallow roaster out of a stick and I was good to go.

My first few marshmallows caught fire and were therefore deemed unfit for smore use. When I finally toasted one to perfection, I placed it on the chocolate and graham cracker and took a big bite....

My expectations were much higher. Maybe it's one of those weird pregnancy things where things don't taste like they should, maybe it was the wood we were using in the fire... either way, I was not impressed by the smore phenomenon and I'm a little baffled at it's longevity.

Maybe I'll try again later, with different wood and different chocolate. My roommate says that the Hershey's Cookies and Cream candy bar is the way to go. I certainly have enough marshmallows left over to try.

Cute as a pencil troll???

2008-11-13T13:53:00.004-06:00

First of all, I would like to say that whatever JACKASS decided to tell pregnant women that the nasuea goes away after twelve weeks, should be shot in the foot!

On to my story....

Last night I was laying on the couch watching Law and Order:SVU and feeling horribly sick.

My loving husband was outside in the garage, playing with friends, drinking beer and arguing about politics. He came in to refresh his beverage and our conversation went something like this:

Husband: Oh dearest wife, is my child in your belly making you sick again?

Me: What do you think?

H: I'm sorry you're sick.

M: I know.

H: If it helps at all, you are very cute lying there.

M: Really? (insert kiss) You are so good to me.

H: Yep, you're as cute as a pencil troll. (He says smiling).

M: Excuse you? Did you just say I was "cute as a pencil troll"?

H: You know, the little trolls on the end of a pencil.

M: I know what they are. The ones with the crazy hair and the big noses. Thanks a lot!

H: Not the hair part, just the cute little face. You have a cute little face.

M: Thanks. You've done enough to cheer me up, please go back outside now.

I went to bed shortly after that (didn't stay asleep thanks to the baby). When I woke up this morning, there was my darling husband. Sleeping peacefully beside me. As he woke up, he saw me laying there awake and gave me a little kiss.

Husband: Good morning, beautiful.

Me: Good morning, pencil troll.

What do think? Look like me?

Happy (Late) Halloween

2008-11-03T15:20:00.001-06:00

Roof, Roof! Check out the doggie!

Birthday gifts

2008-10-28T12:21:00.003-06:00

As I posted before, Friday was my birthday. I received lovely cards from my sister, mother and grandmother. I also had gifts waiting for me when I got home from work.

From husband-
The flowers also came with the final season of Will and Grace on DVD.

From the girls-
They gave me a stand mixer that I've been eying. You can picture the mixer, but the card was priceless.

Halloween = Slut Fest???

2008-10-27T14:08:00.003-06:00

OK, can I ask... when did Halloween become a slut fest? I realize it's not an entirely new thing, because in college the sorority girls had quite the slut-atious outfits for Halloween.

Saturday we went to Hooters (yes, I know the girls there always dress slutty) to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship fight. Apparently, it was also Halloween night. Some of the waitresses were literally wearing bras and panties with a set of wings and calling themselves Victoria Secret Angels. I can assure you, most of them were not.

Our waitress was not the sluttiest one there (that honor went to the Raggedy Ann doll with both her butt and her breast hanging out). She was dressed as Candy Corn... Slutty Candy Corn. This is the best picture I could find of Candy Corn-
Only, her skirt was a bit shorter and she didn't have the black corset. Just skirt and candy corn bra.

On a much more interesting note--- Raggedy Ann and the VS Angel were involved in some sort of altercation. I went to the bathroom and in the handicap stall next to me the VS Angel and the Slutty Solider were talking. VS Angel was crying and Slutty solider was saying, "Don't let her bring you down. Tonight is supposed to be fun. You are so much better than her. You're an Angel!" *seriously, she said that*

I had no idea who she was fighting with. I went back to my table to tell my friend about the waitress fight (since UFC fighting isn't really my thing). All of a sudden Raggedy Ann comes flying around the corner and we can see her and VS Angel arguing next to the bar. The manager pulled all three girls into some back room (where the "bad" girls are sent). The Solider came out within a minute or two (guess the fight wasn't about her). Nearly twenty minutes later we saw the VS Angel come out. Her face was red and you could tell she had been crying. Here's the best/funny/weird/scary part... WE NEVER SAW RAGGEDY ANN AGAIN!!! In my own head, I have developed a story about what happened to her, but I'm sure the truth is much less interesting.

Friday's Five Things

2008-10-24T11:54:00.002-05:00

In preparation for my birthday weekend, here are my latest five favorite things!

1. Caramel Apple Spice from Starbucks (remember those caramel suckers with the green apple coating??? That's what this drink taste like. And today, I got mine free!)

2. Sabe! Happy First Birthday little man!

3. My husband. He builds me tables and benches and installs molding and hardwood floors.

4. Vegetable soup. I've been fighting a horrific cold all week and last night I made some veggie soup and felt a little better.

5. Grey's Anatomy. Loving Alex and Izzy. SO much better than George and Izzy!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

2008-10-24T10:20:00.001-05:00

Today is officially my birthday. It's also Sabe's birthday, but he is too young to realize, so today we are just celebrating me!

Big thanks to John at Starbucks. I told him it was my birthday and I got a FREE Caramel Apple Spice (it taste like Christmas!).

It's (almost) my birthday!

2008-10-23T10:59:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is my birthday. It's my golden birthday. My husband, being the loving man that he is, sat down and asked me what I would like for my special day.

Husband: Wife of mine, what would you cherish the most on your special day?

Me: I don't know.

H: A belt sander?

M: Not so much.

H: A jigsaw?

M: Not even a little bit.

H: A router?

M: Do we have any Tylenol?

At this point in the conversation I take two Tylenol PM and fall asleep by 7:00 p.m. Is it fair to ask a woman drunk on Tylenol PM what she wants for her birthday?

I wonder what tomorrow's gift bag will bring???

Giving up the Dream (House)

2008-10-21T10:12:00.002-05:00

So, I have a dilemma. I have always dreamed of my house. The house that I would build when I grew-up. I can picture my perfect bathroom and shiny kitchen. The hardwood floors, the fireplace and the laundry room. Now that I have grown up a little, I see that building a dream house isn't in the cards for everyone.

My father would like us to buy his house. It's a perfectly nice house. Built less than 10 years ago. I even had some input in the design. While it's perfectly nice, it's not the house that I would build. No double sinks in the master bath, no pot filler in the kitchen and hardly what I would call an ideal laundry room.

It's a great price and it's next door to my siblings where I want to be. I guess the question is: Is the convenience of an all-ready built perfectly nice house worth giving up the dream of the dream house???

More on that to come...

Damn you TiFaux!

2008-10-20T13:54:00.003-05:00

Last week I set off on another round of travels. I packed my bags (had I known about the new $50 baggage fee from DELTA Airlines, I would have packed only one big bag), set my DVR, kissed my husband and headed off to Chicago.

Chicago is a great city. It's really clean and shiny. I walked the Navy Pier, saw Oprah's house and shopped the Magnificent Mile. It was all fun and great but I was looking forward to returning home Sunday night and catching up on my shows.

That's when IT happened. I returned home to find that my DVR had not recorded anything from Tuesday night to Saturday morning!!!!! Oh DVR, how can you do this to me? No Project Runway (the season finale, mind you), no Pushing Daises, Ugly Betty or Grey's Anatonmy????

Lucky for me ABC.com lets you watch epsiodes of your fave shows for free. As far as Project Runway, I guess Nev's blog will have to do.

Happy Birthday Papa!

2008-10-09T10:04:00.003-05:00

Today is my dad's birthday. I was a good daughter and called him to wish him a happy birthday... he is sick and not in the mood to talk.

Oh well! Happy Birthday Pops! I'm playing "The Cowboy Song" for you!

Well, that was windy...

2008-09-14T21:56:00.002-05:00

Ok, so Hurricane Ike was no fun at all. He both ruined my vacation and my evacuation. I lost the last couple days of vacation due having to leave. Then I spent the first couple days of my evacuation getting drunk on red wine, thinking about the ten feet of water that was in my house.

While I am still on the North 40 (one good thing about evacuating) , a good friend of ours was able to make it to our house and confirm that it is still there and NOT filled with water. I guess I drank all that wine for nothing...

Because the Internet is not the fastest here, don't count on many post until I can return back to normal life.

Off to feed the gators...

Friday's Five Things

2008-09-05T08:41:00.002-05:00

Ok- I know I said that I was going on vacation today, but that doesn't start until after 5 p.m. Anywho, I'm having a pretty good day so far (at 8:43 a.m. there hasn't been much time for things to go terribly wrong), and I thought I would jot down my current "Five Things to be Thankful For"

1. In a few short hours I get to see Mom, Layla, Sabe, Romey, Hanna, Ryan, and Lady.

2. I found my dream job... now if they would only hire me...

3. SPF 70

4. OPI "i'm not really a waitress" nail polish

5. Forks, because really, they make eating so much easier

That's all bitches. Have a great week, a great week next week and I'll be back around the 15th... because I know that so many loyal readers will miss me ;)

Inspirational crap to get you through the week

2008-09-04T14:45:00.005-05:00

I am going on a much needed vacation tomorrow. In my absence, please enjoy this lovely little ditty:

This was written by Regina Brett of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

'To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It's the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 90 in August, so here goes:'

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. Use the good living room.

22. Over-prepare then, go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years time, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone, everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Not so "wordless" Wednesday

2008-09-03T16:29:00.002-05:00

Ok, I really enjoy the whole "wordless Wednesday" thing. The pictures, the clown noses, all very nice.

However, today I'm a little aggravated. In an effort not to drive Husband crazy with my craziness, I'm attempting to un-load my Big Book of Grievances here.

Chapter One: Things that piss me off more than they should.

*People who don't give you a courtesy wave when you let them in front of you in traffic

*Wal-Mart cashiers who feel the need to comment on every item you purchase (she picked up a dog toy and said, "How cute. Did you get that here?... no dumbass, I picked it up at Target, but decided to pay for it here...

*Slow people at the salad barn. HOLY CRAP IT'S NOT A DECORATING CONTEST!!!

*People who make promises they can't possibly keep

*People who ask, "What on earth did you do to your hair?"- Ouiser-Boudreax-style. Ok, so it was blonde and now it's brown... GET OVER IT!

*People who slow down to look at a wreck on the other side of the freeway. THAT'S HOW ACCIDENTS HAPPEN YOU MORRON!!!

Whew, I feel better.

Fun (Tuesday) Monday

2008-09-02T13:10:00.002-05:00

Sorry, gang. Due to sheltering Hurricane Gustav evacuees, I'm not able to play Fun Monday this week.

Hope you are all safe from wind and rain.

Papa's Petite Bijoux Noir

2008-08-29T08:34:00.001-05:00

Husband has decided on a name for the new puppy. Keeping in line with our Cajun French heritage, he has named puppy "Papa's Petite Bijoux Noir" of Daddy's Little Black Jewel. We are calling her Bijoux. Here are a few pictures of her:

Wordless Wednesday: How to eat bannan pudding

2008-08-27T14:45:00.000-05:00

Baby makes five...

2008-08-26T09:18:00.000-05:00

We have a dog. No, we have ANOTHER dog. After weeks of back a forth "discussions" about getting a third dog (and becoming those people), our night started off like this-

me: I REALLLLY don't want another dog.

husband: I REALLLLLLY want another dog.

me: Let's have a baby instead!

husband: I REALLLLLYYY want a dog.

me: I don't want another dog.

husband: I think I want a dog more than you don't want a dog...

And so, we have ANOTHER dog. That makes three. One outside and two inside. Try to keep up.

Within minutes, my husband magically found a woman with a dog. We jump in the car (at 9 p.m. mind you) and head to Conroe, make that NORTH of Conroe. The first thing I notice when we get in the car is that the time is 9:11 p.m.

I'm not a believer in signs, but that can't be a good one.

9:35 p.m. Check engine light, VSC, and a slew of other lights all come on.

9:45 p.m. I-45 is closed, due to construction.

Am I the only one who thinks these are all bad signs???

9:50- 10:22 Argue about dog names. I like Maxine. We can call her Max. Husband wants to wait for a "sign"--- clearly mocking me.

10:23 p.m. Exit off Interstate onto the creepiest street I have ever driven on. There are NO LIGHTS out there. None. Not one street light, porch light, headlight. It's eerie. Seems like the first two minutes of Law and Order:SVU to me.

10:30 p.m. We find a driveway that appears to have the address we are looking for, but no house. I tell husband to call Dog Lady and get some directions. She instructs us to, "Keep going down the dirt road 'till you can't go any longer. You'll see a cell phone tower on the left and we are JUST PAST THE GRAVEYARD on the right".

Seriously? I can't think of any worse signs if I tried.

We arrive at Dog Lady's house.

husband: Hello, I'm husband, nice to meet you.

dog lady: Hi. I'm Maxine. (Sign.)

We pick a little black female and make the long drive back home. We are taking suggestions for a name. Husband wants something French.

I firmly believe that all "signs" point to Maxine.

Beatin the heat...

2008-08-25T14:31:00.000-05:00

Here in Texas, it's not uncommon for temperatures to rise above 100 degrees. To beat this heat, my darling husband purchased and assembled a little backyard oasis for me. However, Reba refuses to give up the good float...

Five Things

2008-08-21T17:25:00.001-05:00

So, my week has been rough. With the David women setting up camp at Lourdes Hospital and work driving me insane, I'm in serious need of a cocktail hour. Since that doesn't look likely today, I'm forcing myself to play the "Five Things to be Thankful For" game. And here we go...

1. My Mom. She wonderful and silly and has completely changed the days of the week to suit her routine. (Monday, Tuesday, Sabeday, Thursday, Friday, Sabeday, Sunday)

2. Now and Laters.

3. Indigo Joe's. Our gangs newest favorite lunch spot.

4. Reba, because she is always happy to see me.

5. Tide pens. Because spilling coffee on your white shirt first thing in the morning can really put a damper on the rest of your day if you don't have one.

That wasn't so hard...

Zandra with a Z

2008-08-21T17:19:00.001-05:00

Anyone who watches Will and Grace, knows that Jack takes acting lessons from a woman named Zandra. Who he famously referees to as "Zandra with Z, not Saundra with an S. Because Zandra with a Z goes zzzz not ssss.

Today I had a meeting with a lady named Zandra (with a Z). Needless to say, I didn't listen to much of what she said because I was playing Will and Grace in my head.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-20T11:01:00.001-05:00

Sabe... no longer in boots.

2008-08-18T08:44:00.000-05:00

Many things have happen during my lack of posting, for starters Sabe is no longer in boots, and is getting bigger by the minute. See what I mean...

Long Time Gone

2008-08-18T08:34:00.000-05:00

So, up until today, I had forgotten about my ill-planned blogging venture. As evident, I haven't posted since December of last year. I'll attempt to make the effort and update more often, but that's a promise that might be easy to break.

Until next time, check out Nev's awesome Project Run(A)Way blog (link posted to the left) for some hilarious takes on one of my favorite shows.

Sabe in Boots!

2007-12-12T10:13:00.000-06:00

This is my new favorite picture of my beautiful nephew.

Five things to be Thankful For

2007-12-11T13:31:00.000-06:00

Time to play "The Sound of Music" favorite things game. As my loving elder cousin has taught me, sometimes you just need to look around and think of five things that make you happy and that you are thankful for. So, today these are the things that get me through the day:

1. Flavored Tootsie Rolls
- I really like the lime ones for some reason

2. Project Runway

3. Eggnog flavored coffee from Central Market
- Side note, I LOVE Central Market

4. My Family
- With special shout-outs to Sabe and Layla... they make me smile

5. The mascara in the orange tube from Wal-Mart
- Side note, I really like Wal-Mart too

First cut is the deepest

2007-12-11T13:20:00.000-06:00

Well, this is my first post here on the blog. I have no idea where the name blog comes from. Personally, I don't care for the word.

OK- That's it. That's my first post.